I’ve always made a point of not looking like a tourist when I arrive in lands unfamiliar to myself. There’s nothing more annoying than walking down Oxford Street, fuck it – ANYWHERE in London, and being cut off by someone who thinks it’s fitting to snap a picture of Primark. Stop that! So now that I’ve been to Europe twice, yes you have permission to laugh at my pitiful travel exploits, I feel like I should at least give you a little advice in not looking like a tourist.
Big bags are a DEAD GIVE AWAY. You know those people that insist on taking a huge rucksack with them everywhere? I’ve never understood it, I understand that you might want to carry some essentials like bottles of water; snacks just in case and of course your coins… But that can easily be put into a cute little zip tote. Plus, those are the type of bags you carry on your back; if you’re travelling to a hot country, you’re going to be an extremely sweaty tourist. There’s nothing more off-putting to locals than a sweaty someone who can’t even say hello in the native tongue…
Valuables MUST be tucked away. Pickpockets are the scum of the earth and you must try your damnedest to avoid having your goods swiped from you without you knowing. Firstly, never carry ID like passports on you; leave them in a safe and un-obvious place back where you’re staying. Never put loose change, notes and mobile phones in a side or back pocket – a pickpocket will see that and strike like a Magpie to shiny shit. The best thing to do would be to purchase either a body bag which you can attach around your torso and discreetly tuck away; or a pouch that you can wear around your neck – both ways, if someone is trying to swipe your shit; you can turn around and go full on ninja on that ass! I suggest this simple money bag from Superdrug – it’s only £3.50.
Learn the language. No-one’s expecting you to be 100% fluent in the native language of wherever you’re travelling to, but at least know the basics. English might be the language of the world, but a lot of people don’t speak English – and why should they? They’re in their home country after all. There are so many mobile apps and travel books that will cover the basics when you need to have a nice chin-wag with a local. It’ll also come in handy if you find yourself in a spot of trouble. It’s always good to learn a new language too, always comes in handy. Google Translate is always great for small words and phrases – be warned though, always make sure you retranslate the translation in English to make sure it’s correct; you don’t want to end up asking someone if they want to see your private parts when you only wanted to find out where the KFC was… Some great apps include Codegent’s LearnApps which are easy phrasebooks that are available in several languages. If you’re 100% serious about taking on another language in general, Rosetta Stone will be your best friend. It’ll teach you everything from phrases, to how to actually pronounce words – it’s pricey but it’s a God send! Oh, and pronunciation is key.
Maps. This is the one thing that gets on my damn nerves. Maps are handy and will help a great deal, but I beg if you are going to use an actual paper map – don’t bring it out in the middle of the street. Kindly take yourself out of the way and navigate from there, trust me people will love you for it. Alternatively, your smartphone will be great to use with a wide range of maps readily available; street maps and public transport maps will be your personal saviours, both of which will work offline.
Picture Etiquette. Not everything is picture worthy, so there is no need to snap a picture of every little thing you see. I’m not saying that every picture has to be contrived and posed, but if I see another picture of a frog/bird/cat/dog or any other good creation of the Lord and it’s not a bloody panther or something amazing – I will rip the camera from your hands and destroy it. Pictures of monuments, local messes and selfies (as long as they’re not that many) are just fine, ‘kay thanks!
Pick up the pace. If there’s anything that really grinds my gears, it’s slow walkers. There is a time and a place and it’s called the beach. When you’re on a busy road, walking slowly will only make the locals give you evils. If you need to stop for any given reason, take yourself to the side; if you’re going to stop bang on in the middle of the pavement, you’re going to get pushed, shoved and battered – you better renew that travel insurance…
Be adventurous with food. What’s the point of going to a new country when all you’re going to do is eat burgers, chips and all sorts of delicacies you can get back home? You’re abroad, try out everything that country has to offer. Walking into a traditional restaurant and asking for bog-standard food looks silly. Get out there and do something different, that’s what a holiday is about!
Take notes and enjoy your time away! Just try to not piss of the locals, prison anywhere is not cute 😉
HarliHarleeHarley 